Dear Santa

Christmas is here and most people have a list of things reminding them of their “to do’s” or of “things to get” for your family, friends, whomever.

But let’s talk a little about that list you have had all year long. The list that describes how you want your partner to be, what you want them to look like and how much you want them to have. Many times these lists are created because of a bad experience from an ex, or from a movie we saw and aren’t really realistic.

The list can be important to help guide you on your journey into marriage. The list has two major reasons for existing:
1. To help you identify what you don’t want.
Having a list helps you sift out people who aren’t compatible. For example, many people may have on their list “someone who loves God” and that sifts out any potential prospect who doesn’t share that love for God as you do.
2. To show who you are.
The list identifies things that are important to you and reflect the type of person you are and what you would be able to bring to the relationship.

Creating your list probably took some time, effort and maybe even input from others close to you. It has its advantages; however, if the list isn’t realistic it can certainly be sabotaging you in your relationships and your journey into marriage. For example, if you place on your list that one of your preferences is someone who has purple hair, then you might miss the person who would be compatible with you but has turquoise hair. (You get the idea). Make sure that your list is helping you and not hurting you.

Tips on creating your list:

1. Pray on your list. Who knows you better than your Creator? Luke 12:7 says” Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows”

2. Write down characteristic traits. Write down how you would like your partner to be. For example, instead of writing that you’d like your wife to be a great cook, write instead that she is caring and giving. (She can always learn how to cook later, or you can choose to be the cook)

3. Do some reality testing with your list. It’s important to ask yourself, “Is this realistic for anyone?” or “Will I be able to be all these things?”

4. Shorten your list. How many things do you have on your list? Try and keep your list short, not more than ten things (and that’s pushing it)

5. Question others. Ask someone who you trust, about the things on your list. Ask them to be honest with you about what you have listed. Maybe they can give you some input on things that can be tweaked, subtracted, or added?

What’s on your list? Does it need some tweaking?

LU

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