Three Reasons To Date A Married Man By: Ronke Alao

Women who knowingly date married men are often viewed with contempt. Why would anyone choose to be with a man who is already committed in marriage to another woman? Well, if you are single and considering dating a married man, I will give you 5 solid reasons why you should go ahead and do it.

1. It’s Nobody’s Business Who You Date.

Yes, you are an adult and if you’d rather be another woman’s husband, that is your decision. You can live with it. Hopefully, the wife of the man you are dating is a nutcase and when she finds out, things WILL turn violent. That’s cool too. If you go missing, it’s no body’s cup of tea, right? You are an adult. You can deal with the consequences. Whatever evil comes out of it is yours for the keeping. No one needs to feel sorry for you or empathize with you.

2. It Feels Great Being Second-best

It’s every woman’s dream to be second-best isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what he says, “I love you”, “I only care about you”, blah, blah, blah; you know he’s lying. You are pretty sure you’ll always be his second best.

3. It Feels Great To Be Used And ….Dumped

It’s a given, you know you are been used. No need to “suspect” it or hope it’s not happening. You can count on being used and dumped.

Okay, I probably have you confused by now but you get my drift.

There are never any “good” reasons to date a married man. I know sometimes, we women get suckered into it by sweet-talking snakes who camouflage as men but good never comes out of it.

When you are dating a married man, chances are he’s given you ‘genuine’ reasons why he’s cheating on his wife and how miserable she makes him feel. I don’t care whether he’s married to the devil’s cousin; he exchanged vows with her, not you. If he won’t respect that, he’s not worthy to have you as a friend not to talk of having you as his wife someday.

If he says he’s depressed, what are you trying to be to him? His anti-depressant?

Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are helping him. He might be sick, but don’t sign up to be his doctor or therapist. Honey, you need to love yourself past that. You are beautiful and believe it or not, you deserve someone who will LOVE you. A man who is currently cheating on his wife doesn’t have the ability to love you the way you should be loved.

If he says he’s been disrespected or ridiculed by his wife, he’s only fooling you. He is the one who keeps disrespecting his wedding vows, his wife and his kids if he has any.

If he whispers sweet nothings into your ear; “You make me feel alive, important and loved.” don’t believe a word of it.

If you make him feel that important, he would have divorced his wife and married you. Also, a man who cheats on his wife to feel important is sick. Sorry but I have to be frank with you. Marriage is a commitment; it’s not all ice-cream and chocolate. We all have to move beyond wanting to feel good all the time to staying committed to our spouse and staying true to our vows. That is what love is. Real love doesn’t engage in illicit sex. If he really loves you, how many of his family members has he introduced you to as his girlfriend, fiancée or whatever?

Whatever is done in the dark and in secret doesn’t speak love. No, it speaks shame.

I know sometimes, men who cheat on their wives sometimes paint this picture, like they are honorable and all that.

He tells you he is definitely going to divorce his wife. He is just waiting for the right time.

Perhaps he wants his daughter to graduate high school first or his wife has just being diagnosed with cancer and he thinks now is not the time. He makes you think he’s this caring guy who still cares about his terrible wife and his innocent kids right? It’s all Bologna Sandwich (BS)! The truth is he won’t leave his wife for you. He loves having his wife and having you at the same time. He gets a weird fulfillment from that. He doesn’t want to not have his kids with him too.

You can wait for him till you’re grey in the head, but he won’t leave his wife for you.

My dear, stop lying to yourself about how it’s okay and how “his marriage was a mistake in the first place how “ she never really loved him”. If his marriage is hurting, let him deal with it. Don’t let him drag you into his mess. Stop stripping yourself of self-worth. You deserve more than a lying-cheat. God who created you thinks of you as beautiful and precious, don’t let someone use and toss you into the trash can.

You are a treasure and there is a handsome, Prince Charming somewhere who needs to find you. But he won’t as long as you keep hiding behind the cheater and fake prince charming.

BIO

Ronke Alao is a writer who gives time-tested and simple principles to help women enjoy their relationships and marriages. Her methods teaches women how to get past the confusion of dating and getting to the place where they really have fulfilling relationships and marriage.

She is known for her ‘up-close and personal’ style of getting her message across and drawing lessons from her personal experience. She is married to her best friend, Wale, who is her biggest cheerleader. Her online newsletter, EveryWoman’s Heart,(http://www.everywomansheart.com) is read in over 72 countries.

How do you live your dash?

I woke up this morning, got ready for work and dashed out after picking up an apple and a glass of Cranberry juice. I rushed off to work and clocked in and did my duties for the day. During our lunch break I heard that one of the security officers i just saw in the dormitory had a heart attack. I was very surprised because he was fit, about thirty five, full of life, always had a smile on his face and he drank about 8 bottles of water a day and tried and stayed active. I prayed for him to be better.

Upon my return from lunch, I heard that he died at the Hospital.

Although I’ve only known him for a month, death always seems to get people to start thinking. Regardless of who died. I started to think about getting that call from someone about my mother, or brother, or friend.

Life is so short.

I kept asking myself “Are you living a life that would be pleasing in your eyes if you were to die today? Would it be pleasing in God’s eyes?”

I pose this question to you, How do you live your dash?


How Do You Live Your Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning ... to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matter not how much we own;
the cars ... the house ... the cash.
What matters is how we live and love ...
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real ...
And always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more.
And love the people in our lives ...
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile ...
Remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read ...
With your life's actions to rehash ...
Would you be proud of the things they say ...
About how you spent your dash?

LU

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The story of Jade

I had someone in the Hospital, and I was staying with them. One of the nurses attending to her was extremely positive and energized and I made sure to tell her how much we appreciated her.

During one of our many conversations, I told her about www.LoveUnthorned.com and we started talking about relationships.

Soon after she started telling me about her story.

Her name is Jade. She looked as though she was in her early thirties and had a smile that could light up the sky. She told me that she got married when in her twenties to someone whom she knew forever. She loved him, however the relationship didn’t last and she was crushed.

She said she used this time after her divorce to pray about her life, pray about her relationships and she started to take a proactive approach in changing things she didn’t like about her life. She told me during the crying sessions, she was healed from guilt and shame. She told me that through her prayers, she felt more connected to God than she had ever been. She told me that while leaning on God for everything, she started learning about herself.

She told me “My only prayer was to be single and happy.”

She did not know if she wanted to get married again and was so busy living her life, that she wasn’t concerned about that. She told me that she decided that she was going to do three things before entering any other relationship; she wanted to work, save and travel.

She told me about her many trips all over the world, and the memories she made with old and new friends. She went to school and finished earning her Degree, and did the three things she had on her list.

She is recently re-married to a man who makes her happier than she already is. She told me “My marriage didn’t cause my happiness, he’s my sweetheart, but I’m happy on my own.”
Then she had to go visit another room. I thanked her and was so inspired by her story, I asked her for permission to use it on LU, in hopes that it inspires you.

Many times, when single, our only focus is getting un-single. What are the three things you want to accomplish while single?

Thanks Jade

LU

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My better half

We have this list of all the things we want our spouse to be. We want him to be strong, intelligent, God-fearing and loving. We want her to be seductive, genuine, loyal and loving.

While attending College, my Psychology professor asked us to write down what we wanted most out of a relationship. I really don’t remember what I wrote. I remember that the teacher took our papers and brought them back the next day. She told us that some of the things she saw really disturbed her. She said something along the lines of some of you wrote down that you want to find someone who is your better half and that type of thinking is detrimental. You shouldn’t want to be completed by someone else. You should be complete already, and find someone else who is also complete. You shouldn’t need them, nor they you. You should WANT them to be in your life.

Her words stuck with me forever.

The Bible says that when we are single, we should be worried about pleasing God; engaging in Church activities, mission work, etc.

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

This time should be used to fulfill the first two goals here at LoveUnthorned, which is to
1. Know God and
2. Know self.
We believe that when you know who God is, you are better able to come to the realization of who you are. God is your Creator, so who to better help you find yourself than Him?

Focus on what your wants are, what your dreams are, what your goals are, and take the time to learn who you are. When you are able to be grounded by yourself, then it becomes easier to know who matches up with you and who doesn’t. Become a whole person who will find another whole person. Stop being a half a person looking for their better half.

LU

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When will I stop missing you?

The relationship is over.

The days, weeks, months, or years you both put into it just did not pay off in the way you initially hoped it would. Maybe you saw it coming; you felt as though it was the right thing to do. Or maybe it was sudden and you were blind-sided by their decision. Either way, you are left with a heart that is full with the thorns of confusion, hurt, betrayal and abandonment.

Then come the tears and accompanying them are the memories passing through your head of what used to be.

Sometimes what you feel isn’t sadness, but something mimicking anger, feeling betrayed. Whatever your reaction is, it stems from that feeling of being hurt.

During this period, you ruminate on what was said in the relationship, who was wrong, or who was MORE wrong than the other, what was done, reminiscing on the good times, the great times, the awesome times; thinking of the hard times, all the sacrifices made and all the promises broken. Hopefully during this time, you have an outlet. Preferably a really great friend who will listen to you go on and on about every little detail of the relationship. This part of the grieving is important. You are allowing yourself to let them go. If you swallow your feelings, it turns into anger and will project in your life through different mediums.

Surround yourself with positive people who will help you on your journey of letting go and starting fresh.

A lot of people return to their ex because of that feeling of sadness. We never want to feel things that are uncomfortable. Sadness is not a fond feeling so we sometimes seek out temporary aids to repress that feeling. But those things only serve as a Band-Aid. Remember to always identify what you’re feeling during this time. Don’t be afraid of the sadness, its normal and expected. Cope with it in healthy ways so that you can prepare yourself to serve Christ and then be ready for whomever He has waiting for you.

Remember what God says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: Trust your struggle. Trust that God will increase your strength even though you feel weak, sad, hurt, betrayed. Your heart can lead you astray so don’t depend on it; allow God to lead you in the right direction.

"'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

And whatever you do, do not settle for ‘Right Now’s’ because God is still preparing your ‘Forever’. Have Faith.

LU

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The Fastest and the Most Furious by TruHart

I have this little 98 Honda Accord. Her name is Chloe. Now Chloe has been very good to me over the years. But lately she’s been acting…hmm… a bit unruly, so to speak. She has been defiant, insubordinate, and sometimes she even talks back. Now, as you can imagine, this has been a great source of grief to me. I’ve invested so much time, energy, money, and tears…bitter tears into her. Sometimes I think about just abandoning her.

Some days I would literally make myself sick with worry. How am I gonna commute to school? How am I gonna commute to school? But after yet another unplanned trip to the mechanic today, I realized something. Chloe is not who, or what I think she is. In fact, Chloe isn’t Chloe at all. She is just a car, and there are far too many of those in existence for me to be stressing so badly over one.
Too often we place so much emphasis on things. We even humanize objects. We give them names and sometimes they get better treatment than our friends, family, and loved ones, but they are JUST things.

Easily replaceable. If “Chloe” refuses to start when I wake up, you know what? She can be replaced. And that will be the end of that. There will be no memorial, no wake, no funeral services. In fact, the only thing there would be if I got a new car would be joy.

So why do we get so bent out of shape about all these temporary things? Don’t make the common mistake of letting your possessions control your life. A lot of people work day in and day out to attain the American dream for the sole reason of appearances. I see it all the time. Doctors park the nicest cars to grace my line of vision for it to sit 18+ hours in hospital garages. Our image and how we appear to people are often more important to us than our beliefs. Your belongings do not define you.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Once you are aware of your identity, you’ll find yourself realizing what is truly important.

LU

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Thrown Overboard

So they picked up Jonah, threw him into the sea, and the sea stopped its raging. Jonah 1:15

The book of Jonah is a short read.

Jonah was a prophet who was sent to do something for God, and didn’t want to. He tried to run away from God by traveling to a different part of the world. While on his journey, he got thrown over on a boat where he was then swallowed by a whale and got spat up three days later. He finally finished the job God gave him to do later on in the story.
Four chapters, go read it.

Every once in a while, my family would have something called, Spring cleaning. We would clean our closets, wash the sheets, clothes, and the car, and sometimes we would paint parts of the house, and even plant seeds. Spring cleaning was a tedious job, but necessary to remove the clutter and get re-organized.

Growing up, I realized that this was also necessary to do in my personal life. Sometimes, I have to take record, re-organize and then remove the clutter in my life.

Jonah 1: 15 says “So they picked up Jonah, threw him into the sea, and the sea stopped its raging” and while reading this text, the question kept repeating in my head: What things do I need to throw overboard?

Sometimes when our life is in turmoil, it’s because we are also on the run from God. Sometimes we have to take account of what things/people need to be changed in some way.
What do we need to stop doing?
Who do we need to stop talking to or set boundaries with?
What do we need to start doing?
What do we need to throw overboard?

Some things are meant to stay in our lives for a season, and not all year long. So go ahead and start your Spring cleaning and pray before you start throwing away anything. God will direct your path like He promised in Proverbs 3:6 – Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.

LU

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