Do's and Dont's of Online Dating

To continue from our conversation with Alexandrea on the TMECenter Radio Show, we would like to add the Do’s and Don’ts for online dating that we started to list on the show.

Do
1. Make your ‘about me’ section short, sweet and inviting

2. Post a picture that shows your personality

3. Complete your profile 100%

4. Know and verbalize what your priorities are

5. If you choose to meet in person, DO meet at a public, central place. (Starbucks, Barnes and
Nobles) - meet in the day time, cameras around, make sure 2 other people know where you will
be and with whom

6. Keep it light - Don’t start talking about all your traumatic experiences just yet

7. Know what you bring to the table and what you want!

8. Be open-minded. Someone might just surprise you!

Don’t
1. Reveal too much all at once

2. Commit to one person at first

3. Reveal contact information

4. Meet until you have talked to them on the phone

5. Ask too many questions

6. Lead them on. Not your type? Let them know!

7. Do anything you are uncomfortable with

8. Don’t be swayed by the competition - be confident in your uniqueness, remain true to yourself
and your needs

To everyone who called in, tuned in and encouraged others to join, Thank you so much!

Didn’t get a chance to tune in, listen to the recording here:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/tmec/2013/02/14/finding-love-online

Follow them on Twitter at
http://twitter.com/TMECenter

Tweet Alexandrea at
http://twitter.com/ajwilson412

Blogs at www.TMECenter.org

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Confessions Of a Single Girl- Loving

February.. Honestly, my least favorite month of the year.

Valentines day is in February..

Why must there be a whole national holiday which focuses on couples and being in love? At least during the other holidays, even if I am single, I can still take part of the activities like a normal person. On Valentines day, I can't even buy groceries without the cashier asking things like, "Romantic dinner planned for tonight?"
“No, complete stranger. I am buying groceries for myself because I am very single”.

It can be a stressful, sad day... However, keeping my new plan in place of doing new things, becoming a better person, and waiting on God, this year I decided I will do things differently. It is a 3-part plan.

Part 1: I will think of a person, maybe a friend or family member, who I think may be feeling the same thing as me.. I will give this person a gift of some sort. Something to make that person feel special and loved. I've learned that by making someone else happy, I make myself happy.

Part 2: I will take this time.. Not just Valentines day, but the whole month of February.. To improve my relationships. I will take the time to check up on my family & friends more often, make it a point to tell them I love them, talk to them on the phone, make time to spend with them.

Part 3: I will love myself. I will treat myself to something I've been wanting for awhile. I will do something that I love to do, but don't always get the chance to. I will pamper myself with a haircut, manicure, & pedicure.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that I forget to do these things. I assume those people know how much I appreciate them, I forget that someone else may be feeling just like me, & I forget to do things I enjoy. So this month, I will take the initiative.. I will call. I will talk to them. I will share moments. I will give. I will take care of myself.

John 13:34 says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." It does not say love your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. The Bible says to love. Just love.

Only at www.LoveUnthorned.com

Feeling Lonely at Night?

I am pretty positive that I am not the only one who has had those nights that seemed to never end. You know those nights where you feel really lonely, you can't sleep, and it's too late to call anyone....over the years I have learned a few things that I can do to try to make it through those nights and I thought that I should share some of them with you.

Let me know in the comments how you deal with these feelings because I am sure that we can all help one another!

1. Go to bed early. Often times we start to feel sad just because our body is tired and it's our way of feeling "cranky". So make sure you're getting enough rest by going to bed before 11pm if you can.

2. Invest in your friendships. It's tempting to get so busy with our lives that we ignore our friendships. Or you may think that facebooking your friends is enough but it's important to spend face-to-face time with our friends. So be sure that you are taking the time to actually spend time with your friends in real life and not just on the internet.

3. Spend time with God. God wants to spend time with you and when you choose to spend time with him, you will also find that you will have less anxiety about being alone.
Don't underestimate just how peaceful God's presence can make you feel. So be sure to spend daily time with God through devotions and worship.
One of my friends says that she likes to believe that when she feels lonely, it's God's way of trying to connect with her.

4. Go out during the day. All of this may seem unrelated to being able to help you at night, but it TRULY does help you feel better at night. We all have our routines but try something different. After work, go to a bookstore and read for 20 minutes. Take your children to the park or take them to the library after school to do their homework (instead of at home) and you go and enjoy a magazine. You'll be less likely to feel pangs of loneliness at night if you choose to invest your day time hours wisely.

5. Play music. Sometimes our feelings of loneliness can cause us to struggle with insomnia so instead of staying up all night watching TV-turn on some soft music or use a sound machine to quiet your mind and comfort you.

6. Read. Did you know that people who read are less likely to feel lonely than people who don't? Yes, it's true! So read a book before bed. Maybe try a classic piece by writers Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte.

7. Admit it. Maybe you're reading this-at night and you're already feeling lonely and you just want to get past this moment....then I say, admit the truth. Tell yourself, "I am feeling lonely right now but I know that this feeling will pass and that I will be ok. This is normal and I'm not weird or crazy for feeling this way or feeling sad about it, I will be ok. This will pass." Sometimes just allowing ourselves to feel the way we feel can help us out a lot. When we ignore our feelings we can cause more anxiety and sadness, so admit it and then remember that this moment WILL pass.

8. Write. Write in your journal and write out your feelings and thoughts....journaling is an excellent way to find out what you're really thinking. Often times we ignore our feelings because we don't have time to deal with them so write out how you feel and you may find that you can find the root of our loneliness just by stopping to write about it and once you find the root, you can begin to work towards solutions.

What do you do when you feel lonely? Let me know in the comments below and be sure to share this with your friends since you never know what someone is struggling with...

(Image Courtesy of [Evgeni Dinev]/http://www.freedigitalphotos.net)

Confessions of a Single Girl- Waiting...

January… such a bittersweet month for a single person.

On one hand, I'm happy to have had a great holiday season spent with family. On the other, I'm grateful for the start of a New Year with new possibilities. The holiday season can be tough on a single person. You look around the table at Christmas dinner and realize you and your little cousins are the only ones without a special someone to share it with. So a new year with new possibilities is gladly welcomed.

Everyone is making New Year’s resolutions and plans for the new year, and you can't help but wonder if this year will be the year you meet that special someone.

The truth is no one knows…

You can't plan these things…You can't schedule it into your year…

The toughest part about being single is simply waiting. So I asked myself, "Self, who are you waiting on?" If I'm honest with myself, I would say “for the perfect man”. Why am I waiting on a man? Pssh.. I will NOT wait on a man. This year, I will try new things, find a new hobby, go to new places, meet new people, enhance my cooking skills.. In short, do anything and everything that I enjoy and will make me a better person.

After all, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11.

God has a plan for me this year.. I will wait on Him.

Only on www.LoveUnthorned.com

Keeping Up with those Resolutions!

It’s a new year! 2012 went by so fast.

It’s typical for people to be making New Year resolutions at this time of the year. It’s a way to drop old habits and adapt new ones. It’s been my experience that my goals are made and I’m passionate about them until about the second month and I’m bored and can’t be bothered. I created a list of things that helps me to stay focused, hopefully they can also help you.

Here is a list of 4 things that will help you accomplish your resolutions for this year:

1. Make your goals realistic
2. Be specific
3. Start small
4. Utilize Checkpoints during the year. Every month or three months, check where you are on getting your resolutions done.

What are some of your personal resolutions? What has worked in keeping you focused on them?

“May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy” – Colossians 1:11

Oh yea, Happy New Year!

LU

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Thirteen tips for dealing with a really lousy day by Gretchen Rubin

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: 13 tips for dealing with a really lousy day.

We all have really lousy days from time to time. A bad work or school evaluation, a potential crush who turns out not to be interested, a fight with your mother-in-law, a worrisome call from a doctor…lousy days take many forms.

Here are some tips for getting through it:

1. Resist the urge to “treat” yourself. Often, the things we choose as “treats” aren’t good for us. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, loss of control, and other negative consequences just deepen the lousiness of the day. So when you find yourself thinking, “I’ll feel better after I have a few beers…a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans,” ask yourself – will it REALLY make you feel better? It might make you feel worse.

2. Do something nice for someone else. “Do good, feel good” – this really works. A friend going through a horrible period told me that she was practically addicted to doing good deeds; that was the only thing that made her feel better. However, don’t put too much pressure on yourself now. Don’t start planning an elaborate surprise party; email some digital photos to the grandparents.

3. Distract yourself. When the Big Girl was born, she had to be in Neonatal Intensive Care for a week. I spent every hour at the hospital, until the Big Man dragged me away to go to an afternoon movie. I didn’t want to go, but afterwards, I realized that I was much better able to cope with the situation after having had a bit of relief. Watching a funny movie or TV show is a great way to take a break. It might even be a good idea to have an emergency stash ready by the TV, for bad times.

4. Seek inner peace through outer order. Soothe yourself by tackling a messy closet, an untidy desk, or crowded countertops. The sense of tangible progress, control, and orderliness will lighten your mood. This always works for me – and fortunately, my family is messy enough that I always have plenty of therapeutic clutter at hand.

5. Tell yourself, “Well, at least I…” Get some things accomplished. Yes, you had a horrible day, but at least you went to the gym, or played with your kids, or walked the dog, or read a magazine.

6. Exercise is an extremely effective mood booster – but be careful of exercise that allows you to ruminate. For example, if I go for a walk when I’m upset about something, I often end up feeling worse, because the walk provides me with uninterrupted time in which to dwell obsessively on my troubles.

7. Stay in contact. When you’re having a lousy day, it’s tempting to retreat into isolation. Studies show, though, that contact with other people boosts mood. So try to see or talk to people, especially people you’re close to.

8. It’s a cliché, but things really will look brighter in the morning. Go to bed early and start the next day anew. Also, sleep deprivation puts a drag on mood in the best of circumstances, so a little extra sleep will do you good.

9. Remind yourself of your other identities. If you feel like a loser at work, send out a blast email to engage with college friends. If you think members of the PTA are mad at you, don’t miss the spinning class where everyone knows and likes you.

10. Keep perspective. Ask yourself: “Will this matter in a month? In a year?” I recently came across a note I’d written to myself years ago, that said “TAXES!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I dimly remember the panic I felt about dealing with taxes that year; but it’s all lost and forgotten now.

11. Write it down. When something horrible is consuming my mind, I find that if I write up a paragraph or two about the situation, I get immense relief.

12. Use the emergency mood tool-kit. For an emergency happiness intervention, try these tips for getting a boost in the next HOUR.

13. Be grateful. Remind yourself that a LOUSY day isn’t a CATASTROPHIC day. Be grateful that you’re still on the “lousy” spectrum.

This article was taken from The Happiness Project. Link is here:
http://www.happiness-project.com/happin … dnesday-4/

Three Reasons To Date A Married Man By: Ronke Alao

Women who knowingly date married men are often viewed with contempt. Why would anyone choose to be with a man who is already committed in marriage to another woman? Well, if you are single and considering dating a married man, I will give you 5 solid reasons why you should go ahead and do it.

1. It’s Nobody’s Business Who You Date.

Yes, you are an adult and if you’d rather be another woman’s husband, that is your decision. You can live with it. Hopefully, the wife of the man you are dating is a nutcase and when she finds out, things WILL turn violent. That’s cool too. If you go missing, it’s no body’s cup of tea, right? You are an adult. You can deal with the consequences. Whatever evil comes out of it is yours for the keeping. No one needs to feel sorry for you or empathize with you.

2. It Feels Great Being Second-best

It’s every woman’s dream to be second-best isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what he says, “I love you”, “I only care about you”, blah, blah, blah; you know he’s lying. You are pretty sure you’ll always be his second best.

3. It Feels Great To Be Used And ….Dumped

It’s a given, you know you are been used. No need to “suspect” it or hope it’s not happening. You can count on being used and dumped.

Okay, I probably have you confused by now but you get my drift.

There are never any “good” reasons to date a married man. I know sometimes, we women get suckered into it by sweet-talking snakes who camouflage as men but good never comes out of it.

When you are dating a married man, chances are he’s given you ‘genuine’ reasons why he’s cheating on his wife and how miserable she makes him feel. I don’t care whether he’s married to the devil’s cousin; he exchanged vows with her, not you. If he won’t respect that, he’s not worthy to have you as a friend not to talk of having you as his wife someday.

If he says he’s depressed, what are you trying to be to him? His anti-depressant?

Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are helping him. He might be sick, but don’t sign up to be his doctor or therapist. Honey, you need to love yourself past that. You are beautiful and believe it or not, you deserve someone who will LOVE you. A man who is currently cheating on his wife doesn’t have the ability to love you the way you should be loved.

If he says he’s been disrespected or ridiculed by his wife, he’s only fooling you. He is the one who keeps disrespecting his wedding vows, his wife and his kids if he has any.

If he whispers sweet nothings into your ear; “You make me feel alive, important and loved.” don’t believe a word of it.

If you make him feel that important, he would have divorced his wife and married you. Also, a man who cheats on his wife to feel important is sick. Sorry but I have to be frank with you. Marriage is a commitment; it’s not all ice-cream and chocolate. We all have to move beyond wanting to feel good all the time to staying committed to our spouse and staying true to our vows. That is what love is. Real love doesn’t engage in illicit sex. If he really loves you, how many of his family members has he introduced you to as his girlfriend, fiancée or whatever?

Whatever is done in the dark and in secret doesn’t speak love. No, it speaks shame.

I know sometimes, men who cheat on their wives sometimes paint this picture, like they are honorable and all that.

He tells you he is definitely going to divorce his wife. He is just waiting for the right time.

Perhaps he wants his daughter to graduate high school first or his wife has just being diagnosed with cancer and he thinks now is not the time. He makes you think he’s this caring guy who still cares about his terrible wife and his innocent kids right? It’s all Bologna Sandwich (BS)! The truth is he won’t leave his wife for you. He loves having his wife and having you at the same time. He gets a weird fulfillment from that. He doesn’t want to not have his kids with him too.

You can wait for him till you’re grey in the head, but he won’t leave his wife for you.

My dear, stop lying to yourself about how it’s okay and how “his marriage was a mistake in the first place how “ she never really loved him”. If his marriage is hurting, let him deal with it. Don’t let him drag you into his mess. Stop stripping yourself of self-worth. You deserve more than a lying-cheat. God who created you thinks of you as beautiful and precious, don’t let someone use and toss you into the trash can.

You are a treasure and there is a handsome, Prince Charming somewhere who needs to find you. But he won’t as long as you keep hiding behind the cheater and fake prince charming.

BIO

Ronke Alao is a writer who gives time-tested and simple principles to help women enjoy their relationships and marriages. Her methods teaches women how to get past the confusion of dating and getting to the place where they really have fulfilling relationships and marriage.

She is known for her ‘up-close and personal’ style of getting her message across and drawing lessons from her personal experience. She is married to her best friend, Wale, who is her biggest cheerleader. Her online newsletter, EveryWoman’s Heart,(http://www.everywomansheart.com) is read in over 72 countries.

How do you live your dash?

I woke up this morning, got ready for work and dashed out after picking up an apple and a glass of Cranberry juice. I rushed off to work and clocked in and did my duties for the day. During our lunch break I heard that one of the security officers i just saw in the dormitory had a heart attack. I was very surprised because he was fit, about thirty five, full of life, always had a smile on his face and he drank about 8 bottles of water a day and tried and stayed active. I prayed for him to be better.

Upon my return from lunch, I heard that he died at the Hospital.

Although I’ve only known him for a month, death always seems to get people to start thinking. Regardless of who died. I started to think about getting that call from someone about my mother, or brother, or friend.

Life is so short.

I kept asking myself “Are you living a life that would be pleasing in your eyes if you were to die today? Would it be pleasing in God’s eyes?”

I pose this question to you, How do you live your dash?


How Do You Live Your Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning ... to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matter not how much we own;
the cars ... the house ... the cash.
What matters is how we live and love ...
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real ...
And always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more.
And love the people in our lives ...
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile ...
Remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read ...
With your life's actions to rehash ...
Would you be proud of the things they say ...
About how you spent your dash?

LU

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The story of Jade

I had someone in the Hospital, and I was staying with them. One of the nurses attending to her was extremely positive and energized and I made sure to tell her how much we appreciated her.

During one of our many conversations, I told her about www.LoveUnthorned.com and we started talking about relationships.

Soon after she started telling me about her story.

Her name is Jade. She looked as though she was in her early thirties and had a smile that could light up the sky. She told me that she got married when in her twenties to someone whom she knew forever. She loved him, however the relationship didn’t last and she was crushed.

She said she used this time after her divorce to pray about her life, pray about her relationships and she started to take a proactive approach in changing things she didn’t like about her life. She told me during the crying sessions, she was healed from guilt and shame. She told me that through her prayers, she felt more connected to God than she had ever been. She told me that while leaning on God for everything, she started learning about herself.

She told me “My only prayer was to be single and happy.”

She did not know if she wanted to get married again and was so busy living her life, that she wasn’t concerned about that. She told me that she decided that she was going to do three things before entering any other relationship; she wanted to work, save and travel.

She told me about her many trips all over the world, and the memories she made with old and new friends. She went to school and finished earning her Degree, and did the three things she had on her list.

She is recently re-married to a man who makes her happier than she already is. She told me “My marriage didn’t cause my happiness, he’s my sweetheart, but I’m happy on my own.”
Then she had to go visit another room. I thanked her and was so inspired by her story, I asked her for permission to use it on LU, in hopes that it inspires you.

Many times, when single, our only focus is getting un-single. What are the three things you want to accomplish while single?

Thanks Jade

LU

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My better half

We have this list of all the things we want our spouse to be. We want him to be strong, intelligent, God-fearing and loving. We want her to be seductive, genuine, loyal and loving.

While attending College, my Psychology professor asked us to write down what we wanted most out of a relationship. I really don’t remember what I wrote. I remember that the teacher took our papers and brought them back the next day. She told us that some of the things she saw really disturbed her. She said something along the lines of some of you wrote down that you want to find someone who is your better half and that type of thinking is detrimental. You shouldn’t want to be completed by someone else. You should be complete already, and find someone else who is also complete. You shouldn’t need them, nor they you. You should WANT them to be in your life.

Her words stuck with me forever.

The Bible says that when we are single, we should be worried about pleasing God; engaging in Church activities, mission work, etc.

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

This time should be used to fulfill the first two goals here at LoveUnthorned, which is to
1. Know God and
2. Know self.
We believe that when you know who God is, you are better able to come to the realization of who you are. God is your Creator, so who to better help you find yourself than Him?

Focus on what your wants are, what your dreams are, what your goals are, and take the time to learn who you are. When you are able to be grounded by yourself, then it becomes easier to know who matches up with you and who doesn’t. Become a whole person who will find another whole person. Stop being a half a person looking for their better half.

LU

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When will I stop missing you?

The relationship is over.

The days, weeks, months, or years you both put into it just did not pay off in the way you initially hoped it would. Maybe you saw it coming; you felt as though it was the right thing to do. Or maybe it was sudden and you were blind-sided by their decision. Either way, you are left with a heart that is full with the thorns of confusion, hurt, betrayal and abandonment.

Then come the tears and accompanying them are the memories passing through your head of what used to be.

Sometimes what you feel isn’t sadness, but something mimicking anger, feeling betrayed. Whatever your reaction is, it stems from that feeling of being hurt.

During this period, you ruminate on what was said in the relationship, who was wrong, or who was MORE wrong than the other, what was done, reminiscing on the good times, the great times, the awesome times; thinking of the hard times, all the sacrifices made and all the promises broken. Hopefully during this time, you have an outlet. Preferably a really great friend who will listen to you go on and on about every little detail of the relationship. This part of the grieving is important. You are allowing yourself to let them go. If you swallow your feelings, it turns into anger and will project in your life through different mediums.

Surround yourself with positive people who will help you on your journey of letting go and starting fresh.

A lot of people return to their ex because of that feeling of sadness. We never want to feel things that are uncomfortable. Sadness is not a fond feeling so we sometimes seek out temporary aids to repress that feeling. But those things only serve as a Band-Aid. Remember to always identify what you’re feeling during this time. Don’t be afraid of the sadness, its normal and expected. Cope with it in healthy ways so that you can prepare yourself to serve Christ and then be ready for whomever He has waiting for you.

Remember what God says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: Trust your struggle. Trust that God will increase your strength even though you feel weak, sad, hurt, betrayed. Your heart can lead you astray so don’t depend on it; allow God to lead you in the right direction.

"'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

And whatever you do, do not settle for ‘Right Now’s’ because God is still preparing your ‘Forever’. Have Faith.

LU

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The Fastest and the Most Furious by TruHart

I have this little 98 Honda Accord. Her name is Chloe. Now Chloe has been very good to me over the years. But lately she’s been acting…hmm… a bit unruly, so to speak. She has been defiant, insubordinate, and sometimes she even talks back. Now, as you can imagine, this has been a great source of grief to me. I’ve invested so much time, energy, money, and tears…bitter tears into her. Sometimes I think about just abandoning her.

Some days I would literally make myself sick with worry. How am I gonna commute to school? How am I gonna commute to school? But after yet another unplanned trip to the mechanic today, I realized something. Chloe is not who, or what I think she is. In fact, Chloe isn’t Chloe at all. She is just a car, and there are far too many of those in existence for me to be stressing so badly over one.
Too often we place so much emphasis on things. We even humanize objects. We give them names and sometimes they get better treatment than our friends, family, and loved ones, but they are JUST things.

Easily replaceable. If “Chloe” refuses to start when I wake up, you know what? She can be replaced. And that will be the end of that. There will be no memorial, no wake, no funeral services. In fact, the only thing there would be if I got a new car would be joy.

So why do we get so bent out of shape about all these temporary things? Don’t make the common mistake of letting your possessions control your life. A lot of people work day in and day out to attain the American dream for the sole reason of appearances. I see it all the time. Doctors park the nicest cars to grace my line of vision for it to sit 18+ hours in hospital garages. Our image and how we appear to people are often more important to us than our beliefs. Your belongings do not define you.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Once you are aware of your identity, you’ll find yourself realizing what is truly important.

LU

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Thrown Overboard

So they picked up Jonah, threw him into the sea, and the sea stopped its raging. Jonah 1:15

The book of Jonah is a short read.

Jonah was a prophet who was sent to do something for God, and didn’t want to. He tried to run away from God by traveling to a different part of the world. While on his journey, he got thrown over on a boat where he was then swallowed by a whale and got spat up three days later. He finally finished the job God gave him to do later on in the story.
Four chapters, go read it.

Every once in a while, my family would have something called, Spring cleaning. We would clean our closets, wash the sheets, clothes, and the car, and sometimes we would paint parts of the house, and even plant seeds. Spring cleaning was a tedious job, but necessary to remove the clutter and get re-organized.

Growing up, I realized that this was also necessary to do in my personal life. Sometimes, I have to take record, re-organize and then remove the clutter in my life.

Jonah 1: 15 says “So they picked up Jonah, threw him into the sea, and the sea stopped its raging” and while reading this text, the question kept repeating in my head: What things do I need to throw overboard?

Sometimes when our life is in turmoil, it’s because we are also on the run from God. Sometimes we have to take account of what things/people need to be changed in some way.
What do we need to stop doing?
Who do we need to stop talking to or set boundaries with?
What do we need to start doing?
What do we need to throw overboard?

Some things are meant to stay in our lives for a season, and not all year long. So go ahead and start your Spring cleaning and pray before you start throwing away anything. God will direct your path like He promised in Proverbs 3:6 – Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.

LU

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Knowing You by TruHart

We place a lot of importance on relationships. It's to the point where you hear the word relationship and what immediately comes to mind is a romantic type of relationship. I believe that too often we place so much interpersonal relationships that we forget all about the intrapersonal: the relationship you have with yourself. This is probably one of the most important relationships that you will ever have.

Are you able to identify your strengths? Weaknesses?

Can you know 5 things that you like about yourself?

What are your pet peeves?

Do you treat yourself the way that you want someone else to treat you?

Ask yourself these questions. Spend a little more time reflecting and introspecting. Spend a little more time with you. You will find that the more familiar you become with yourself, the better your relationships with others will be.

I know that I have the tendency to beat myself up whenever I make a mistake.
Be kind to yourself. Take care of you. Identify your goals, passions, and desires, and then pursue them! These are the things that make life fulfilling. Once you learn to appreciate yourself and LOVE yourself, loving others will be a breeze..and not just any breeze, the kind of breeze that blows while you stand on a beach, cool sand beneath your toes, 82 degree weather. The kind of breeze that you find yourself closing your eyes in appreciation. This wind of love that you generate in your own life, will then waft into the lives of the people you love...but, remember, it begins with you.

The "Who", "What", and "How" in Relationships.

Hi all. Relationships are usually easy to get involved in but are hard to make work. Based on my experiences, experiences around me, some help from scripture and knowledge on relationships, I've answered the three most important questions, in relationships, in my opinion. I hope this is helpful for you.

1. Who? (Compatibility)

Most of us are pursuing the wrong partners. Pursue "equally-yoked" courtship. The Bible stresses the importance of practicing this principle.

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" - 2 Corinthians 6:14

God says, "Do not court unbelievers." It's very clear that you should not be romantically involved with someone who doesn't share the same faith as you. However, before courtship, by grace converting is an option.

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness..." - 2 Timothy 3:16

Conversion is permissible, but it is risky in terms of relationships, in my opinion.
Being equally-yoked also translates to things like common interest which are important. It's fine to learn and grow together but it is also very helpful to share common interest. But even before this, not everyone needs to be in a relationship. Get yourself together before you involve someone else in your life.

2. What?

Love. Love? What's love got to do with it? Everything!
Most of us want to love, want to be loved or are loving, but do we even know what love is? Well let's talk about love. God made love and if there's anyway to love, I'd suggest doing it the way God made it to be done. It is the only way.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away." - 1 Cor 13:4-10

Please read, reread, and digest this. It is the true and only definition of love. It is also the way we ought to love, especially if we want our relationships to work.

3. How?

Endurance. Some of the "how" was touched with the definition of love. Endurance answers the how to make relationships work. You have to be willing rise above all conflicts and make things work. When it comes to relationships and love, God is clear on how we must live. Enduring, patient, long-suffering, faithful, loyal, humble, kind, and forgiving are just some of the many ways to love and enjoy someone that God has blessed you with.

Thank you for reading. I hope it brings light to your struggling or happy relationship. Be blessed!

Sean L Brereton
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sean.l.brereton
'Like' my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sean-L-B … 4093082883

Dealing with Depression

A lot of my clients have said that once they have allowed themselves to be captivated by the depressed mood; they stay there and are unable to shake it. So the first thing I would suggest is to

1. Get up! When you feel yourself sliding down, get up and do something. Hit the gym, go out with the guys, go see a funny movie, take a road trip to see a long distance friend. Just do something!

2. Reach out! Talk to someone. A friend, your Pastor, a therapist, a family member. Talk about what’s going on with you.
(Life Coaching: http://www.facebook.com/#!/SpringBoardInc)

3. Get involved! Do some volunteering somewhere. Sometimes it helps us to focus on others for a bit.

4. Get healthy! Research shows that diet and exercise can have an effect on our mood. So get a workout buddy and join your local gym.

5. Change your friends. My mother always said ‘If you lay with dogs, you will catch flees.’ So evaluate who you need to spend less time with and who you need to spend more time around.

6. St John’s Wort is a natural supplement that has been shown effective for some people depending on their level of depressed mood. Before taking any medication (natural/unnatural), consult a doctor.

7. Do something for you! Go get a massage, go to the spa, get a hobby, and or take a class.

8. Go to Church. Church can be encouraging for anyone; the sermon, the socializing with like-minded individuals can be a pick-me-up for many. Don’t have a church? Join one!

9. Create a Mental Health Day! A day that you use to do things you enjoy. In addition to Sabbath, do you have a day that you can use to breathe, relax, reflect on your life, organize your mind? Choose one!

I sincerely hope that these tips helped someone in some way. If you don’t think these tips match you, Google some more tips, speak with a therapist, speak with your Pastor.


LU

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When it's more than sadness...

Depression is a word I know too well.

In exactly one month, I will be able to say that I’m therapist, so I hear it in class, I see it in the text books, I read about it in the DSM and I see it in my clients. I’m surrounded by it. I’m surrounded with people who are just having a bad day, who easily proclaim that they are depressed. Then I’m also around people who are so depressed, they can’t even mumble the words ‘I need help’.

Depression is more than feeling sad; it’s this deep deep sadness that is very difficult to just brush off. It’s when you wake up and you wish you were still sleeping. It’s when you can’t see any future because you can’t imagine living the next 2years. Constantly.

This poem sort of sums it up. Take a read:

http://www.loveunthorned.com/member/1/b … isticPoet/

According to statistics, many things might contribute to depression. Two of these things include:

1. Genetics (biological)
Chances are if your mother, father, sister, grandmother, Uncle and Aunt has dealt with depression; you might at some point in your life, deal with depression.

2. Situation
Many situations may affect your mood. In this economy, losing a job has become a big reason some people seek out counseling.

Do I have depression?

I can’t answer that and neither will this brief article. However, according to the DSM-IV, to meet the requirements for depression, certain criterion needs to be met. All of them are not listed, but they include:

•Depressed mood most of the day
•Lack of interest in things you used to enjoy
•Significant weight loss or weight gain
•Sleeping too much or too little
•Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

If you feel you might be suffering from depression, visit a therapist. A list of Christian therapists can be found here:
http://www.findchristiancounselor.com/? … 7QodSjA7-w

A therapist may be able to help you decide what options you would like to take in treating your depression. Maybe it’s some deep-rooted issue that you need to talk about; maybe medication will be the best route. Your therapist will help you decide what’s best for you.

Not ready for a therapist? Consult with a LifeCoach!
http://flavors.me/springboard
'like' them on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SpringBoardInc

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Have you dealt with Depression? What treatment method (s), if any, works for you?

LU

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Reference:
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-IV-TR. Washington, DC: bauer, M., Suppes, P. & Thase, M.

Dead Soul by Soulistic_Poet

Distant,

Cold,

Empty,

They look into my eyes,

To examine my soul

And what they find,

Is nothing.



Darkness

Has taken me over,

No light,

No fight,

Just broken.

Body cut up,

But not by blades,

Nor knives,

Nor swords.

It was their words,

Their actions,

Their cruelty,

It was the rumors,

The hate,

The lies,

The betrayal,

The assault of my body,

And the rape of my mind.

Suffering I am,

And I'm running out of time.



A cold heart is what's left of me,

No warmth,

No love,

No hope.

Just frozen,

Frost bitten,

Hypothermia is killing me.

My heart pumps ice,

My blood is hard,

Below zero degrees,,

And melt proof.

My heart bleeds blood,

That's hell proof.

But as cold as it is,

It's still shattered,

With an ice pic of hate,

They chipped away,

Leaving pieces of my heart,

All over the floor.

And they were so slick,

Small were the chips,

I didn't realize what was happening,

Before it was too late,

Now all I have left,

Is broken pieces,

Of a frozen heart.



Alone is one thing,

But loneliness is my thing,

In a room filled with people,

I feel like the room is empty.

But it is I that is empty.

A blank slate,

No memories,

And no plans for the future.

I am not even present,

In present moments.

I float with the angels,

And I dine with the demons.

I watch my body move.

It goes from place to place,

With this flat look on it's face,

Walking on the earth,

But it's soul is lost in space.



Numb is my home,

No joy,

No pain,

No tears.

No faith,

No hope,

No fears.

I am simply existing.

I have the emotions of a brick wall,

Which is ironic,

Since I have made it my mission,

To live within my self made wall.

No one is allowed in,

My thoughts are mine to hide,

My emotions is none of your business.

And all my efforts to keep them from the world,

I end up keeping them from myself.

My feelings and I are strangers,

We haven't seen each other,

Since I was child,

And I'm sure if I see them,

I wouldn't recognize them.

But here's the tricky part,

Numbness still hurts,

And it hurts more than actually feeling the pain.

But since I can't shed my tears,

Survival of a dead soul is my aim.



© Soulistic_Poet, 2012
'like' the fan page at
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Soulis … 5091484160

Time By Sean L Brereton

A well-known secret
Falsely telling the truth always.

Tenaciously ticking you off
Here and there.
Making you rush as you impatiently
Pace yourself Like a private college by the Brooklyn bridge.

This was built in 1883.
And that was this evening.
Good night!
Would you like turkey bacon

And orange juice with that?
Embrace yourself and never try to be A punk
Tual timeless tired tyrant
You go out and get wasted

And they say you can never be regained.
What was done in the past can never be renamed.
But the past is the present’s future.
And as it was passing, it will be valued
As presents in the future.

It was a long wait for a short arrival.
Righteous ridiculous recorded reasons requestioned rhetorically.
But we all know how precious time is.

It traps you in the future.
Never stopping for you.
It’s impatient.
Waiting on no one.

Today was fall,
Yesterday is June
and next weekend Is Halloween

and Christmas is around the corner
So we might as leave our Christmas trees up
All year around,
because today is Independence Day

But the forecast said it is snowing tomorrow. So live today like tomorrow and live tomorrow like next year.
Because no matter how many times you ask,

You will never know what time it is.   

Author:  Sean L Brereton

Buy his book, As Eye See The World

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/as-eye-see-the-world-sean-l-brereton/1100373373?ean=9781450298377&itm=1&usri=as+eye+see+the+world

Even the hairs on your head are numbered

Even the hairs on your head are numbered

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

We all get lied to some time or the other. However, I believe that the lies that you end up believing are the worst lies because they have the most devastating effects on you. They keep you up at nights, stopping you from being better, from having meaningful relationship or from loving God the way that you can.

These thorns around your heart; full of lies, pain and shame, are carried around every day weighing you down. Some of these lies started from childhood when you were told by your mom that you were stupid and will never amount to anything. Or when daddy told you that you did everything wrong, and called you worthless.

These things causes our hearts to be scarred filled with pain, guilt, and shame. In response to this, you might have put up a wall for protection. It does more harm than good, blocking out not only the ugly, but the beauty.

So we start believing that the thorns are just a part of life and that we are stupid, and that we aren’t worth it.

Don’t make them win.

God is your creator and He knows how many hairs there are on your body. What a thought! He loves you so much that He took the time out to count the hairs on your head. Such an intricate detail, yet he took the time to find it out, to show you that you are worth it and that you deserve a life that is purposeful and driven.

Letting go of those lies can be hard but knowing that there is a God who thinks so highly of you helps with the process. He loves you so much that He sent His ONLY son to die for you so that you and I can have a good life (John 3:16). Because you are worth it.

So work on those lies by first identifying where they come from. Every time you feel very insecure about something (a job opportunity, meeting someone new, or speaking in-front of someone), try and identify the voice you hear. Is it your father saying you’re worthless, your mom saying you will never become anything, or your own voice repeating their words? Write them down and later on, take time out to challenge them.

For example,
• Situation: New challenging job opportunity
• Thought: I can’t do it because my mother always said, ‘all I’m good for is laying on my back’
• Challenge: She lied because God says I’m beautiful and I’ve accomplished a lot.
o I’m a better mother than she was,
o I got my GED/diploma,
o I have kept this job for 8 months now.

Take the time to figure out exactly what the thoughts are that stop you from accomplishing your goals and challenge them because God loves you and wants you to be happy. He thinks that you are worth it. Isn’t it time you start believing?

Are you Bold enough to share?
-What are your thorns?
-How did you work through them?

LU

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